Jer 1:5

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. Before you were born I consecrated you". -- Jer 1:5

I've been dwelling on this verse a lot lately (probably b/c I've been carrying it around my neck lately). Our doctor shared this verse w/ us at the hospital. He told us that he didn't understand why such a horrible thing would happen to our family. However he said that he believed that God picked us to be Colette's parents. To love her & take care of her for 8 months. And it's an huge honor to be picked to be those people.

I still really struggle w/ that. Honestly I still wish that I had never gotten pregnant. Somedays I even want to go back to our pre Molly days. Not b/c I don't adore my daughter but just b/c being that carefree couple was so easy. One friend said that she thinks it's harder already being a mom b/c then you really know what you lost. However when I get really depressed & scared & confused it's good to remember that God knew all of this back when he planted that little blastocyte in my womb. It makes me really really angry at Him but it also gives me peace. B/c as much as I don't get it (and I don't think I ever will this side of heaven), I believe that God is good & He is in control of everything.

I like the way Piper put it:

"I think God never laid
Aside the reins that lie against
The neck of Satan, no unfenced
His pen to run at liberty,
But only by the Lord's decree"

"Behold the mercy of our King,
Who takes from death its bitter sting,
And by his blood, and often ours,
Brings triumph out of hostile pow'rs,
And paints, with crimson, earth and soul
Until the bloody work is whole.
What we have lost God will restore --
That, and himself, forevermore,
When he is finished with his art;
The quiet worship of our heart.
When God creates a humble hush,
And makes Leviathan his brush,
It won't be long before the rob
Becomes the tender kiss of God."

(John Piper, "Misery of Job & the Mercy of God")